After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize