I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
