well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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