I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
