He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
