She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
