dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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