just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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