There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
