he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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