I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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