Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I could fuck to npr.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
