Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
