Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
