I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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