Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
