Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
