broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
