I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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