I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
