I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
