Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I could make wine with my vomit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
