I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
