Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
