It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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