I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
