Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The adults are the big ones right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
