I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
