u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
