Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
