Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
