There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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