i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
