bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
