Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
