I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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