I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So much Jack, so little girl.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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