I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
