i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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