I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
