Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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