Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
