since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
