I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it glows. i had to have it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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