They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
