I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
