The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
