ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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