dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
