So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
