Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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