I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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