I just made out with a guy for $7.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
